4 Years

Today would be my sweet angel's 4th birthday.

Here is a pic of her a few hours after she was delivered. Believe me when I tell you, she is perfect in every way. So perfect, in fact, she didn't have to come to mortality to be tried and tested, all she needed was a body.

I feel so blessed that I could be a part of doing that for her. I can only imagine how lovely and glorious she must be. I feel so lucky to be her mother. I look forward to the day that I will see her again and know exactly what she is like.

Having said that, there is also the grieving that takes place in mortality that I am called to bare. It is really hard to deal with the fact that one of my children isn't with us, that someone is missing. Or the sense of loss I feel when I imagine her and Grace (only a year younger) playing dress-ups, or dolls or singing together. Or the joy of having three little girls instead of only two. I can picture Dallin hugging her and caring for her, the way he does his other sisters. I wonder what her interests would be, what color are her eyes, would she be sassy like Hailey, what would she be when she grew up. Then I am jolted back to the reality that those things won't happen in this life... and I feel sad.

Today is bitter sweet as I think of my baby. Without the gospel all hope would be lost. I'm so thankful for it, and the sweet assurance that it gives.